Experience

Had two amazing experiences yesterday.  The first was that I did my first-ever jury trial.  Very sobering experience--I’ll have to write about that another time.  The second experience was an after-bedtime conversation with S.

I’ve had a lot of “lousy parent” moments lately—frustrating moments where I can’t seem to understand or get through to my children.  But as I was listening to a General Conference talk by Jairo Mazzagardi this week, it struck me that, when asked a question of eternal significance by his grand-daughter, he “silently prayed for inspiration” before he answered her.  I realized, of course, that I have done very little of that, and I resolved to try to remember.

So last night, S told me about something he's sort of given up on, spiritually.  I remembered Elder Mazzagardi and prayed for help.  And the most amazing thing happened.

I talked to my son.

Only, it wasn’t like it usually is, where I talk at him and he throws out one tangential concern after another to disregard everything I say.

We spoke about what repentance is, about how change takes time, about the Parable of the Pickle, and about how God’s vision is so much larger than ours (2 Peter 3:8) that He loves the eternal us: the “now us” and the 96-year old us (and beyond).  That insight was powerful—for both of us. 

I was reminded that God loves my boy even more than I do (much more than I do), and that if I can tap into the grand vision of who my son really is, I could love him more.

I was also reminded that God loves the eternal me, just as He loves the eternal S.  And if I can tap into the grand vision of who I really am, it might just change how I feel about my own life journey.
It was clearly as much a lesson for me as it was for him—something both of us need to learn, something I wish someone had told me when I was ten.